Some people prefer a slice of fresh liver in their hand. With
others it is a liberal application of oil ... preferably French.
(But plain old peanut oil will produce the desired result.)
I am totally shocked the way this thread is heading. In an effort to
cut to the chase, I consulted a TRUE EXPERT ON THE MECHANIC'S GRIP.
I went to my Mercedes Dealer and asked to see the "HEAD MECHANIC".
He appeared in a white operating gown, gloves,cap and face mask. (I now
know why they charge $400 to do a oil change or change a wiper blade or
dome light bulb, its the minimum.) I told him of this endless chatter
and wanted to get the PROFESSIONAL opinion. He removed his right glove
and ask the wine steward......I mean oil steward, he called him by some French name that had something to do with the huge chain and key he had
around his neck. I watched as he disappeared down into the oil cellar
to get something. In a few minutes he returned with something wrapped in a red embroidered napkin. The HM lifted it out and it was a quart of
synthetic oil from Munich. He poured some into a clear crystal glass,
held it to the light, swirled it around and smelled it. He turned to me
and said, "First you vill haf to be puttink some off dis on you right
hand." He then called a gentlemen who was working in the grease pit to come over. I immediately noticed the fine cut of his Armani suit, at
least $1500 the shoes were Bruno Malle's. He carefully opened his
hand and delivered something into the HM's gloved Left hand. The HM
then spoke again. "Achtung, here I haf finest grease or as ve call it,
Boluga Lube. Made from Humming bird livers, tounges, unt ouder secret
ingredients."
It all started to make sense now. The pieces began to fall into place.
He asked another gentlemen who only had a rented tux on, to bring him
their finest gold plated torque wrench, BUT first it must be warmed in
heated water to EXACTLY 98.6 degrees. He then spread the combination of
Baluga Lube and Dom Peritonitis or something to that effect , brand oil
on his Right hand, carefully mixing the two together with his still
gloved Left hand. Finally he placed the Gold tool into his right
hand and spoke again. (I was clinging to every word at this point,)
"Dis most be done, pervectly, to perform das Mechaniczer Gripenze
correctly, Understand Dumbkoff." After this demonstration he asked
me to follow him to the lounge, where he lit up a cigerette, I heard
him mumble somthing under his breath TO HIMSELF after exhaleing a large
drag. It sounded like "It vas goot for me, vas it goot, for me too."
With that, and the glassy stare in his eyes, I figured I better leave.
So gang, now you know how the REAL MECHANIC'S GRIP MUST BE PERFORMED,
including the correct protocol. It was a experience that I would not
like to watch again.................
Oh Yah!
I didn't completely trust this guy, so tomorrow I am gonna take a ride
to talk to the local Rolls Royce Mechanic.
I swear this is all the truth. (WOULD A POKER PLAYER LIE?)
Art Santella (Arti)